What to do, What to do.

So after a hard defeat on the basketball courts last uhh... Friday was it? Iono either way even though i didn't try so hard in the beginning, it all felt like a futile effort. But this game it really left an impression on me, more of a thought provoking situation which came afterward while sitting with my best homie and basketball training partner/teammate Phi Ho. So feeling down the undeniable statement arose that no matter what you do there is indeed somebody better than you. Which of course is true though you want to keep it out of mind most days. It sparked another question. This which had a bigger impact than the last which was, what exactly am i doing? And what makes me? Cause I figure okay, we like basketball but I'm not particularly talented at it. Then it kinda struck me, I in fact am not particularly talented at anything. And all the things that I seem to be okay or even somewhat good at, isn't such a practical or useful skill that would significantly get me anywhere in life. There are so many dreams and skills i would like to have but as life would have it I have no future in many to any of those. Actually matter of fact the thing that got me was not only talent, but passion. As Phi put it, (this wont be exact im just going off memory but...) What makes us? What are we? You know, like Hien, he's a dancer. And honestly he can say that because his passion is dancing and he pursues it and just has it in him so of course he's a dancer. When you look at him I see a dancer. Lol. Because that's who he is that's what he likes and that's what he does, and does quite well at i might add, though this isn't a one track things just one among many. Haha. Anyways, so then I ran through my head all of the things i've tried and liked but have all come down to failed attempts. As much as I love drawing, Ive tried to draw for several several years, but i know for sure i can only produce mediocre drawings so as much as I'd like that dream is pretty much dead. So long being a great manga artist. Lol. As for dancing, as I put before, in me there's not much of a dancer sure I can copy all i want from television and act like I can dance, but ill never be good at it or be even a real one at that. So long dancing sensation. Even tried the music game one time, liked rapping, enjoyed working on my skills, I'm not blaming it on anything but as fate would have it, that dream fell too. So long being a rap star. Haha. Same with pool, singing, writing etc. etc. etc. Haha. Maybe its a lack of time and devotion to these things but, I just don't find real passion in anything, maybe i need something to inspire me or maybe i need to find something totally new and all my own. But for now ill just be floating along. Hmm... a floater, a middle person just stuck in the middle. Nothing to good, nothing too bad. Haha, how great. Ahh there's actually a lot more to say about this but I cant think about it right now and its been a couple days but yeah its still on my mind so i thought id write it out still. I guess I'm just stuck on a journey to finding out what I am. Just wish it would hurry up and hit me already. Lol. If it ever does...